Still no #writing yet today. The last bout of #chronicpain (#sciatica), needing to get a new mattress and that really wrecking my lower back, realizing I have #sleepapnea and getting a #CPAP and trying to get used to sleeping with that ... I really haven't been getting better sleep. It's great that now I won't be not breathing everything 5 seconds but I feel like it's making me wake up 3 or 4 times a night as well. I dunno. I just need to get used to it I guess.
I haven't really been able to settle my mind and focus on #writing ... the depression is always looming and I keep fighting it off with trying to restructure and refocus my self talk and various distractions but it is still hovering. Sometimes writing helps, sometimes - given all the personal history tied up in this novel - it makes it worse. It really depends on me ...
We were the (s)heroes in the story we created but I changed my character to be ... much less me ... I really couldn't bear that. I didn't change her character too much, she's still kind of frozen in time as far as personality, voice, and actions ... but it's impossible for me to write about this relationship sometimes ... it feels like sick wish fulfillment ... so I drastically changed the main character as much as I could to make her far from me but still in spirit me ... if that makes sense.
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